1. I have single-handedly altered the sleeping routines of six people (Darren, Karen, Joni, Jono, Sonia, and Brian) over the past weekend.

2. I have ruined Darren’s five hard-working months spent at the gym because my presence makes him go out every night, drink beer, eat fatty foods, and prevents him from going to the gym.

3. I took down 120+ smoke-free days by Peter Park.

4. I have turned Karen and Darren’s apartment into a funeral home with all of these flowers i’ve purchased.  Lamar Odom is the Candy Man, Mitesh Mistry is the Flower Man!

5. This is unconfirmed, but I probably downgraded the “5 star” rating of the Bloomie’s restroom in Soho on sitorsquat.com.  It’s probably a 3 now.